Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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