just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Randomize