my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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