Need sex. Gaining weight.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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