i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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