Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
