I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
