Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
