The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
