I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
