Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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