ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
