I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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