i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
