I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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