Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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