i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
