you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Randomize