You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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