just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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