i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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