You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Randomize
