It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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