Plan B is the new Plan A
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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