its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
