I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
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