id be glad to
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
