I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
wow bdsm is so cute
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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