I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
