You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
