Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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