She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
