the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Randomize