I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
