i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
