kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Randomize
