K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize