I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
