can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
