he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
