Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
