i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
How does it feel to date your dad?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
