I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
