I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
