yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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