did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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