Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize