is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
