Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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