Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
