foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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