Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
