Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
