i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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