If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
