Sry I called you an 8
3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
