There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
two words: eviction party
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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