She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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