WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
