I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize