she woke up with a sticky ear
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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