Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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