I smell stomach acid.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize