Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
