four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
