do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
