Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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