Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
