Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
