You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
