the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
