I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
