So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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