Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
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