I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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