I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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