I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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