What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
