Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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