Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
