saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
