I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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