I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
