why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
