Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
