Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Terrible idea I love it
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
