Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
