How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
