yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
