I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
