hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
