I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
