so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i think i scared a bird with my dick
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
