return my video game
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize