A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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