u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
