Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
