I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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