he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
