it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
soo... how was my night?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
