Soap is not a condiment
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
