i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
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