Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
