apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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