lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I wear drunk well.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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