The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
