and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just had sex on a roof
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
