I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
It's official drugs can't kill me
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
