AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
