Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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