He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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