Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
dude i'm inner monologue high
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize