just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
