Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
