did you get engaged???
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
