i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
