Quick, to the slutcave!
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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