It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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