Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
