if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
This house was built for laser tag.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
