i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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